Change is good...

Right?!?! Then why do I feel like puking when I think about the changes that are to come in the next few months?? I know its just because they are going to force me to leave my comfort zone. I know its going to be so rewarding once I am "settled" into my new surrondings. But I just can't shake the nauseous feeling...

*Monday I was offered a different job. As of next month, I will no longer be sitting in my "fish bowl" office, answering the radio and dealing with angry family members. I will trade in my comfy scrubs and tennis shoes for steel toe boots and BDU's. I will leave the comfort of my air conditioned (often times too much) room, office chair and cable TV for 12 hours and hit the streets in the middle of the August heat. I will be working with our county's EMS (emergency medical services) System. I will be a "real" Paramedic. I've been a Paramedic for 2 years, but have not been on a truck since we moved to Texas (and back). I will be working 24's for a while, as I wait for a 12 hour position to come open. I am SUPER excited and terrified all at the same time. I am thrilled to be putting one of my 3 college degrees to good use. The money is going to be way better and hopefully I will not be exhausted constantly once I settle in!!! But knowing all of that, I am sad to be leaving my current job!

Believe it or not, I love my job. I knew coming into it that it was only temporary as I know my calling is to be serving our community on the streets, but it still breaks my heart to leave. I will not be "leaving" the people, as I will see them when I bring patients in, but our relationships will be different. I will miss my job, but I know this is what's best. It still makes me queezy!!!

*I am also training to become a G.A.L. This is something I have felt led to do for a long time, but didn't want to take any of the (already minimal) time I had with the kids while Cory was gone. But now that he's home, I have decided to take a leap of faith! I am anxious to see how God is going to use me in the lives of the children that will cross my path. Again, I am beyond nervous, but I know without a doubt that this is where God is leading me!

*Cory will be home THIS Friday! Holy Cow! I can't believe its here. Seems like we've been waiting an eternity!!! Again, this is beyond exciting! But on the flip side, it makes me uneasy. I have got to learn to let someone else take some responsibility around the house. Cory is a wonderful father, but its hard to "let go" of the control I've had for the last year!

*I am officially on a "diet". I want to lose weight for several reasons. The biggest reason is so that I don't have to buy new BDU's. That's as shallow as it gets! LOL!! I've got several pairs of work pants and I don't want to have to buy anymore - they are NOT cheap! I am doing the Atkins diet. The reason is simple - I do not eat many vegetables (lets be honest, I think I may eat 5). But I will eat just about any kinds of meat, cheese, etc. My one biggie to give up is bread/carbs!! So if you see me out - keep me accountable!

While I am slightly freaked about all the changing going on, I am also beyond excited! Continue to pray for us as we transition into the next phase of our life.

Friday Five

I haven't done one of these in a while, so I thought it would be good to do one! Here are five things going on at the Trotter household...
1. The Daddy of our house will be home NEXT Friday!!! I can't believe its finally here! We are all beside ourselves with excitement. Luckily, the kids will be busy with the grandparents (see below), or else I think they'd drive me nuts!!!
2. The girls will be in Charleston for the week visiting Uncle Brian and Aunt Annie - and of course Hannah Banana!! Reese will be with the out laws (hopefully he'll make the week). But don't be jealous because I won't be enjoying any "me" time because....
3. I will be working 84 hours over the next 7 days. That makes me tired just thinking about it... I don't know what I was thinking when... oh wait - I do know what I was thinking. I get to be off when Cory is home, so while I will be exhausted to the point of physical illness when I'm done, it will be soooo worth it!!!
4. I've got some cleaning to do... unfortunately with me working that many hours, I don't think it will happen. However, thanks to the kindness of a good friend, there may be hope!!! Our house is not "dirty" by any stretch of the word, but it needs a little TLC (ie dusting, mopping, vaccuming). I just want our house to be perfect when our Hero arrives.
5. As if I don't have enough to this week, I'm trying to get a "Welcome Home Hero" party together for our soldier. And I have NOTHING done for it! UGH!

So we are super busy to say the least! But it will all be worth it when we are ALL in the same house. I've forgotten what it feels like to be a "real" family!!! So there you have it. I've been working on this blog for the last 5 hours - so its Sat now! I'm at work - so I've had to stop and actually do "work"!! Have a wonderful weekend!

A lesson in forgiveness...

Today I did something that, had you asked me over a year ago, I never thought I would have done. Before I share what I did, I want to share a couple things that have been on my mind. It all ties together, I swear... just bear with me!!
Forgiveness, to me, means that you have truly moved past whatever the situation was. It is not in our human nature to forget, but I believe that true forgiveness means that NO MATTER what, it is never brought up again (ie in the heat of an arguement, or to "prove" a pattern of something). For the most part, I don't really have any issues with forgiveness... I might would argue I forgive too easily sometimes. But today, I had to not only "preach" forgiveness, I had to live it...
For those of you who do not know "the story" about how Cory and I came "to be", its a soap opera in itself. Here's the reader's digest version: Cory was married, his wife was unfaithful, he found out, he kicked her out, we started dating a week later (we had been friends for a while before - in fact I was the one who encouraged him to "really look into" her activities... this too is a great story of the cunningness of women and the links we'll go to to get what we want). Back to the story... of course, because we got together so quickly, there was great speculation that we had been having an affair before - this was not true, for what its worth. (Don't get me wrong, I figured out months before this happened that He was the one for ME, but he was faithful - at least physically- to his marriage) Anyway, his wife was out to ruin me for a while. We absolutely hated each other and said and did a lot of things that were hurtful to and about one another. Needless to say, when we moved to Texas, I was soooo glad to be away from her and the situation!
We moved on, got married, had a baby, you know the story. She married "the guy", and is now expecting herself. All was calm and quiet... We just kept our distance.
When I moved back to SC, I knew we would be running into each other at work so I emailed her and told her that I saw no reason that we couldn't be civil at work. I had enough to worry about this year, and I didn't need the added drama. I fully expected for her to email me back and let me have it. She didn't. Surprisingly, she apologized. It was a heart felt apology. I, too, apologized for the things I said and did. It was nice to feel the chains that had bound us together, due to the dislike we had for one another, break in that moment.
Fast forward to today....
She and I are friends - real friends - now. We do lunch and chat on a pretty regular basis. She even called to tell me she was pregnant the day she found out and I even got a call when they found out it was a boy. We are actually a lot alike (despite what Cory thinks... love you baby!) Her father passed away a couple days ago. The moment I heard, I reached out to her and let her know I was praying for her family. And tonight, I went to the funeral home to pay respects on behalf of Cory and I. As I stood in line, I was thinking about how far she and I have come and I was proud. I was initially uneasy. What do you say to your husband's ex-wife's mother who just lost her husband (the relationship I have had with them is less desirable than the one I had with their daughter). I prayed that God would give me the right words to say. And, as always, he did!
I'm not sharing this story with you guys to "toot my own horn". Lord knows this has been a long, bumpy journey and I have been less than Christ- like on MANY occasions. I am not proud of any of that. I'm sharing this story to encourage you to think about those with whom you may be holding a grudge against, for whatever reason. What was your role in the situation? What can you do to rectify the wrong? I'm not saying you have to hang out with the person or even talk to them. You can forgive a person without them even asking. Forgiveness is YOUR choice. Is there anyone you need to forgive today?

Q&A

I was reading one of my favorite blogs and she did a Q&A. I thought it was neat, so I thought I'd play along. Here are a few of the questions I am asked when someone finds out I am an Army wife (and that my husband was deployed)...
Q - Who keeps your kids while you work so much?
A - God has given me the greatest parents in the world! They live 2 miles from us and never hesitate to keep the kiddos. The kids have a super nice set up over there and have everything they would ever need or want at their house!
Q - Is Cory going to Re-enlist? If so, what will you do?
A - Much to the surprise of some, WE are planning on re-enlisting. But we will go Reserves (either Army or Air Force). I say "we" because we have made the decision. It is OUR life, after all and we both wanted to be ok with the terms. I'll keep you posted as details come...
Q - What was your biggest fear while Cory was gone? (or what is your biggest fear)
A - My biggest fear was never him being injured or even death. I can deal with anything medical that is thrown at me... my biggest fear was and always will be the Army and his deployments will change who my husband IS; on the inside. In some ways, he's not the same. But I can honestly say it could definitely be worse!!!
Q - What is the hardest part of Cory being gone?
A - This changed depending on the situation. Sometimes it was climbing into an empty bed. Sometimes it was knowing he was missing so much of the kids lives. Sometimes it was having to do everything around the house by myself. Sometimes it was just not being able to pick up the phone and call when I wanted to. Holidays were particularly hard. There never was a "hardest" part for me.
Q - How do you do it? (this was always my favorite)
A - What choice did/do I have? When Cory and I were dating and he expressed his wishes to go Active, I promised him I would follow him anywhere and support his dream. Granted, neither of us could even imagine how hard it would be at times. But it is a journey. We've made some wonderful friends along the way. We've been tested and survived! We've learned a lot about each other and ourselves. How do I do it? With the grace of God, an amazing support group of family and friends, lots of tears, lots of prayer, and one day at a time.
Q - Knowing what you know now, would you do it all over again?
A - ABSOLUTELY!!!! YES,YES,YES! While our run with the Army hasn't always been easy, I wouldn't change any of it for anything! It has given us opportunities that we would not have been afforded otherwise. I will be sad to leave Active Duty life, as it gave us our "start"! However, I know it is what is best. But it thrills me to no end to still be able to serve in the Silent Ranks!!

So there you go. There are tons of other questions, that are sometimes a bit controversial (ie - how do you feel about the war?; the president?; the army?). If you guys have any questions, please feel free to ask. I am no "master" of this life, but I will answer as best I can. Also, to the other Army wives, feel free to share some of your answers - I'm sure you get asked the same stuff!