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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A lesson in forgiveness...

Today I did something that, had you asked me over a year ago, I never thought I would have done. Before I share what I did, I want to share a couple things that have been on my mind. It all ties together, I swear... just bear with me!!
Forgiveness, to me, means that you have truly moved past whatever the situation was. It is not in our human nature to forget, but I believe that true forgiveness means that NO MATTER what, it is never brought up again (ie in the heat of an arguement, or to "prove" a pattern of something). For the most part, I don't really have any issues with forgiveness... I might would argue I forgive too easily sometimes. But today, I had to not only "preach" forgiveness, I had to live it...
For those of you who do not know "the story" about how Cory and I came "to be", its a soap opera in itself. Here's the reader's digest version: Cory was married, his wife was unfaithful, he found out, he kicked her out, we started dating a week later (we had been friends for a while before - in fact I was the one who encouraged him to "really look into" her activities... this too is a great story of the cunningness of women and the links we'll go to to get what we want). Back to the story... of course, because we got together so quickly, there was great speculation that we had been having an affair before - this was not true, for what its worth. (Don't get me wrong, I figured out months before this happened that He was the one for ME, but he was faithful - at least physically- to his marriage) Anyway, his wife was out to ruin me for a while. We absolutely hated each other and said and did a lot of things that were hurtful to and about one another. Needless to say, when we moved to Texas, I was soooo glad to be away from her and the situation!
We moved on, got married, had a baby, you know the story. She married "the guy", and is now expecting herself. All was calm and quiet... We just kept our distance.
When I moved back to SC, I knew we would be running into each other at work so I emailed her and told her that I saw no reason that we couldn't be civil at work. I had enough to worry about this year, and I didn't need the added drama. I fully expected for her to email me back and let me have it. She didn't. Surprisingly, she apologized. It was a heart felt apology. I, too, apologized for the things I said and did. It was nice to feel the chains that had bound us together, due to the dislike we had for one another, break in that moment.
Fast forward to today....
She and I are friends - real friends - now. We do lunch and chat on a pretty regular basis. She even called to tell me she was pregnant the day she found out and I even got a call when they found out it was a boy. We are actually a lot alike (despite what Cory thinks... love you baby!) Her father passed away a couple days ago. The moment I heard, I reached out to her and let her know I was praying for her family. And tonight, I went to the funeral home to pay respects on behalf of Cory and I. As I stood in line, I was thinking about how far she and I have come and I was proud. I was initially uneasy. What do you say to your husband's ex-wife's mother who just lost her husband (the relationship I have had with them is less desirable than the one I had with their daughter). I prayed that God would give me the right words to say. And, as always, he did!
I'm not sharing this story with you guys to "toot my own horn". Lord knows this has been a long, bumpy journey and I have been less than Christ- like on MANY occasions. I am not proud of any of that. I'm sharing this story to encourage you to think about those with whom you may be holding a grudge against, for whatever reason. What was your role in the situation? What can you do to rectify the wrong? I'm not saying you have to hang out with the person or even talk to them. You can forgive a person without them even asking. Forgiveness is YOUR choice. Is there anyone you need to forgive today?

3 comments:

Amanda said...

You are an amazing woman Christan!! What you have written is so true. I too have been in the situation where I had to either forgive or hate a very important part of my life. I know you know what and who I am referring too. God wants us to forgive and forgive with out whole hearts. You're right, you don't forget, but I think when you forgive someone, you should NEVER bring it back up in order to get at that person. Forgiving feels so much better than hating. GOD BLESS YOU Girl, and I pray you, Cory, and the children have a long and blessed life!

Robin said...

Great post. Should strike home for most of us. Thanks.

Mrs. G.I Joe said...

Good for you girl! I have to say I have not molded and shaped a relationship like this yet, but nor have I had the opportunity...Not sure if thats a good or bad thing:p But so glad you made it all work!