Speechless

I've discovered over the last few days that usually when I tell someone that my husband is deployed, they immediately become speechless. I think its hard to come up with the words to say to make someone feel better whose husband is in such a scary place. There are no words. Nothing makes it better or makes the pain go away. Its been a week now and I still lose my breath sometimes when I talk about it. I still cry at the sound of a special song or seeing something that reminds me of Cory. But I am surviving. Sleep is still hard to come by; between anticipating Cory's phone calls, feeling anxious and being kicked in the ribs by Reese, I'm lucky to get in a couple of hours each night. I've got a headache that just won't quit. I know its from a combination of stress, crying, lack of sleep and lack of caffiene (I've cut WAY back - no carbonation, and only one-if any tea a day). Its funny to me how much I rely on Cory, I've always been VERY independent.
All the Blue Spaders (thats our symbol) are either in Afghanistan or almost there. I've been able to talk to Cory at least once a day still; what a blessing!!! He sounds really good. He's a bit anxious as the next day or so he will be heading to his FOB (forward operating base). I've learned this week that not watching the news does nothing because everyone tells you about the news anyway. With or without the news, I worry about Cory all day, everyday. So I might as well be informed, right?
The kids are great. The girls have spoken to Cory and they are busy with their camp and swimming lessons. Reese is busy drooling and trying to talk. Still no teeth, but hopefully soon. It makes me sad that Cory is missing everything in their lives.
I'm sorry this is so random, I'm trying to find the words to express what's going through my head right now, but for the first time in a very long time, I'm speechless.

Not any easier

Its official. Cory has left the US, deployment has begun. Cory left the Hood around 12 am this morning. He called when they stopped in Maine to refuel. He sounded ok. Just tired. Cory hates flying because since he was a young boy, he's had ear problems. Any slight alteration in air pressure and he is in excruciating pain. So the ascent and descent are always a nightmare. He's learned a few tricks to help, but nothing makes it completely better. He said the descent into Maine was horrible. But thanks to the wonders of Ativan, he slept through rest of the flight. He sayed he'd call me before they took off again, but I guess he didn't have the chance. Surely they are gone by now. I'm certain he's over the Atlantic as we speak, snoozing away. They have a brief layover in Ireland and then its off to the real deal. Please pray for Cory as he flys that God will give him comfort and keep him safe.
Day 3 is not any easier. I still wake up wanting to throw up and sleep is scarce. I'm sure I look like a zombie with my puffy eyes, red nose and glazed over eyes. I've been told that it gets easier as the days goes by, but when. I still cry everytime I hear his voice! I could never have imagined this would be so hard. Please keep praying for me!
The kids are doing well. They talked to Daddy last night. Hailey cried when she talked to him, which was suprising. She's usually the one who keeps her emotions hidden. Of course Cory broke down after hearing her sob! But I'm still conviced that it was better to do it over the phone than in person! I don't think any of us could have handled it! Samantha has taken on the responsibility to make sure Reese knows who Daddy is. She talks to him about Cory all the time!! Its so sweet. Reese is of course oblivious. But anytime you say "Daddy", his eyes get huge and he looks around. Last night I let Cory talk to him on the phone and as soon as Reese heard his voice he looked for him and then just smiled and babbled back! Of course, I cried. He loves his Daddy. They all do. I'll never be able to fill his shoes!
I'll be sure to post when I hear that he's in country. Please pray for him and the other soldiers. Everyone's taking it pretty hard, but I think they've all just about reached the point that they are just ready to go and get it over with! If you'd like to write or send a care package to Cory, please let me know. I can give you his address and regulations on what's permitted. He would love to hear from as many people as would write!!! Have a great weekend!