Speechless

I've discovered over the last few days that usually when I tell someone that my husband is deployed, they immediately become speechless. I think its hard to come up with the words to say to make someone feel better whose husband is in such a scary place. There are no words. Nothing makes it better or makes the pain go away. Its been a week now and I still lose my breath sometimes when I talk about it. I still cry at the sound of a special song or seeing something that reminds me of Cory. But I am surviving. Sleep is still hard to come by; between anticipating Cory's phone calls, feeling anxious and being kicked in the ribs by Reese, I'm lucky to get in a couple of hours each night. I've got a headache that just won't quit. I know its from a combination of stress, crying, lack of sleep and lack of caffiene (I've cut WAY back - no carbonation, and only one-if any tea a day). Its funny to me how much I rely on Cory, I've always been VERY independent.
All the Blue Spaders (thats our symbol) are either in Afghanistan or almost there. I've been able to talk to Cory at least once a day still; what a blessing!!! He sounds really good. He's a bit anxious as the next day or so he will be heading to his FOB (forward operating base). I've learned this week that not watching the news does nothing because everyone tells you about the news anyway. With or without the news, I worry about Cory all day, everyday. So I might as well be informed, right?
The kids are great. The girls have spoken to Cory and they are busy with their camp and swimming lessons. Reese is busy drooling and trying to talk. Still no teeth, but hopefully soon. It makes me sad that Cory is missing everything in their lives.
I'm sorry this is so random, I'm trying to find the words to express what's going through my head right now, but for the first time in a very long time, I'm speechless.