Aware

Most days I go through life on autopilot. Since Cory has been gone, I have tried very hard to stay exhaustingly busy so that when I do finally go home, I'm so tired that, the fact that our bed is empty, doesn't bother me. For the most part, I have handled our separation fairly well. I've had my moments, don't get me wrong. But even I have been suprised at how strong I have been through it all (thus far). I try to make my Soldier proud by being a good Army Wife. And I feel in my heart that he is.
Today I went to a new LifeGroup (like Sunday School) at church.It is for Newlywed/Engaged couples. I am so excited about this group as I have often felt a little out of place in other classes. I am also SO excited about the teachers. The "lead" teacher is a the wife of our Pastor, a precious woman that I know will be a wonderful teacher and the "assistant" teachers are a wonderful couple that I definitely look up to when it comes to having a Christian home. I am also excited about being with other couples that are going through some of the same "life challenges" that we are.
While I sat in this group this morning, I was at peace in my heart that I was where God wanted me to be - a feeling, I am sad to say I haven't felt in our church for a while. And while it gave me great joy to feel like I was involved in something that I feel God designed for me (I know that sounds selfish, but He knew I needed THIS class with THESE teachers), my heart was broken.
I sat and looked around the room at the couples. Some of them I have known a long time, some of them I was just seeing for the first time, and some I had seen but not "met". I do not know where any of them live, how they met or what they deal with on a day to day basis. None -the-less, I found myself jealous. I was painfully aware that I am (physically) alone. I don't know why it was TODAY that it hit me so hard, but it did. I went through Thanksgiving,Christmas, our Anniversary, New Years and Valentines with what I would consider minimal heartache. But today has been hard.
I look forward to what God will reveal to me over the coming weeks and months in this Group. I hope to learn from the other couples as well as share my heart and experiences. I know we are on the homestretch of this Deployment and each day brings him closer to being home. However, its not getting any easier. Please continue to pray for all the soldiers and their families!