Its official

Cory and I are officially HOME OWNERS!!!!!!!!!!! We began our journey back in March and as of today, July 29, we are the proud recepients of a Mortgage!!!! We will not be moving in until Sept because the sellers are building a house and it will not be finished until mid Sept, so they are renting from us for a couple of months! Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement! I've felt like I was going to throw up since I got the paperwork yesterday, but now that its done and over with - I'm so excited. I wish Cory was here to celebrate with me, but he's up on a mountain somewhere making sure the valley is safe!!!
I need some decorating help?!?! Anybody know of any good sites to get some inspiration - expecially with the kids rooms!!!???

For my soldier...

Baby, some annonymous reader on my blog put this link on my comments. I know she's singing to her boyfriend, but close your eyes and picture me saying these words to you! I love you and I am so proud of you!
*To whoever this girl is, what a beautiful song! I'll be praying for you and your boyfriend! May God bless you both!

Hidden blessings

So I've talked to Cory today and things seem to be much better!!! He's made it out to his COP safely and seems to be in relatively good spirits. He's found some hidden blessings in all the chaos. He's found a Bible in the aid station and has already begun to read some uplifting things!! I already feel a great deal of peace today, thank you for your uplifting words and prayers! Cory has a new address, so if I've given you his address, please let me know so I can give you the new one! Thank you, God, for never giving up on me although sometimes it may seem that I've given up on you! You are all knowing and everything works for your glory! I believe that in my heart, its just that sometimes my head gets in the way!!! I love you, Lord and I am forever grateful for the blessings you have given us, especially the hidden ones!!!

Calling all angels

Today is not a good day! Cory called this morning and he has FINALLY made it to his FOB. It has only taken 2 weeks and he and another guy are the LAST 2 to make it. I'm grateful that he has made it there safely, however the news that follows is upsetting to me. Let me give you a little background. Cory was promised in Texas that he would stay in the main aid station at his FOB with the PA (someone who was supposed to be a VERY good friend). The reasoning for this is that Cory is the ONLY Paramedic out of all the medics. He has more medical training than everyone except the PA. So he was to be the "trauma team leader" in the aid station. This was a position that Cory has fought to secure for over a year. We held on to the promises that we were given that Cory would be kept at the FOB and that's what has kept our spirits up until now. Cory was also put on a permanent profile for his feet (which are horrible) to secure his place in the main aid station. So, we thought that the Army would hold true to their word - what were we thinking?
Cory received word today that he will be sent out to a COP. (Here's the difference: FOB - forward operating base = LOTS of people, a good deal more secure, better medical equipment, more capability of providing more adquately medically; COP - combat outpost= one company, about 70 people, only secured by the company staying there, not a lot of medical equipment, a good deal away from the FOB, and oh yeah, a COP was what was ambushed a couple of weeks ago where they lost 9 soldiers). Because Cory was the last to get there (not his fault) he got the short end of the stick. Not to mention that the NCO's (non commisioned officers) are safe and sound in the aid station - heaven forbid they get out and get dirty. When Cory asked why all the sudden the promises made were not being kept, he was told that there was nothing they could do. THAT is a lie. I feel totally betrayed, once again by the US Army and those who have been given the power to be in charge. Cory's NCO's are the most selfish people I have EVER known. As long as they are safe and sound, that's all they care about! That is not a leader to me.
Cory is also being sent out with a guy that has just been promoted to E5, and not based on merit, purely based on the color of his skin!*This is not just my opinion, its a well known fact in this platoon* How's that for affirmative action?!?! Cory should have been promoted WAY before now, but because his platoon had to meet their "quota" he's been pushed back. I am so sick of the Army's lies and "false promises". And the worst part, I'm not even able to hold my husband as these tears of anger, frustration and fear are running down my face. I know God has a plan for him and a good reason for doing this, and I try to be positive when I'm on the phone with him. But I am dying inside. My anxiety level just shot through the roof and I feel like I'm gonna throw up all the time. Cory feels like God has forgotten him and is not hearing his prayers. I know this is not true, but what do I say to help him? This is by far the worst mistake of our lives, joining the Active Duty. A mistake that when we all come through this alive, I will spend the rest of my life telling people why they should NOT go active in the Army.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I feel like screaming... oh wait, I've already done that. My hands are tied. There's nothing I can do except sit and wait and pray- pray that I never receive the "visitors", pray for Cory's safety, pray for my sanity, pray for peace for both of us, just pray. I beg all of you to pray with me and for me. This is harder than I've ever could have imagined! This is a true test of our faith and sometimes I feel like I'm failing miserably.
* Correction: Thanks to my good friend Tina, there has been some light shed on the battle of July 13. Go here if you want to know the real truth... Thanks Tina for letting me know about this! It helps alot!

Almost perfect

We're in Charleston. We came down for the weekend to visit Brian and Annie and Hannah. We've had such a great time and it has really allowed me to get away and stay busy. We went to Waterfront Park on Saturday. I was able to run into a local candy store to get Cory some of his most favorite candy for the care package I'm getting together (but shhhhh, its a surprise!!!) - thanks Annie! We then sat and ate some watermelon - boy does Reese love watermelon! I cried a little standing on the pier, because it was perfect - well almost perfect!
Sunday we went to church; and might I add, if you are ever in the North Charleston area and are looking for a church, I recommend Riverbluff!! It was great! Great music, great sermon, welcoming people, laid back enviornment, "come as you are" dresscode. and the best part - they have a CRY ROOM! I sat in there with Reese and its sound proof, so Reese making noise wasn't a bother, but they feed the sound into the room, so I didn't miss any of the service. I wish there was a "Riverbluff"' in the Upstate! I'm searching for that kind of enviornment for our family! Then we headed out to the Beach! For everyone who doesn't know my feelings about the beach, I have a major dislike for the beach. I have only been with the girls to the beach twice (including this time). Its hot, crowded, sandy and when you get out of the ocean, you are sticky and dirty!! I leave the beach and have to take a shower! But the kids had a good time. Reese loved the water rushing over his feet. It wasn't overly hot, not too terribly crowded. Almost perfect (as perfect as the beach can get)!!
Today we headed over to the water park - now we're talking!! The forecast was that it was going to be the hottest day of the summer. But it wasn't. It was pleasantly overcast. Reese LOVES the water, so he was in good spirits all day. The girls are just tall enough to do EVERYTHING there and we did. They had such a good time. Best part - today was Military Monday, so we got in for 1/2 price!!! Thank you US ARMY. I felt a little bad though because we got in because my hubby is suffering in Astan! Tonight we're having Annie's four cheese lasagna - YUM!!!
This weekend has been almost perfect - perfect family, perfect food, perfect weather, perfect activities, perfect attitudes (for the most part), perfect get away. The only thing missing - my soldier! We missed you Honey!!!
*I'll be posting pics once I make it back to the Upstate! Be sure to stop back by and check them out!

Other happenings

I know I've focused on Cory's deployment, but believe it or not, there are other things going on in my life. Here is just a short list of other happenings...
- We are buying a house. We are ready to close, but the seller is not quite there yet. I think, though, we may go ahead and close and rent them the house for a month or so until their house is done! All that is still in the works. But we do have a house and it will be ours SOON!!!
- The girls are in cooking camp this week. They have LOVED it!!!! They've had Italian day, breakfast day, All American day (hamburgers, coke floats, etc) and who knows what they'll be doing for the rest of the week. They've also made some pretty neat crafts (decorated a cutting board, plate and an apron so far). I'm glad they have something fun to do each day!
- The girls are also finishing up their swim lessons this week. They've done 4 weeks total and have learned so much. Who knows, maybe we will have some Olympic swimmers on our hands!!! I love to watch them swim! They look so grown up
- Reese rolled over today!!! He's been a bit slow, but I think its just because he's lazy! He'll be 6 months old next week. Boy, time has flown by. Still no teeth, but buckets of drool.
- I had a job interview yesterday at the Hospital. I have mixed emotions about the position. I know that IF I worked, THIS would be the job I would wanted. But I'm not so sure I want to go back to working all the time right now. I'm torn.
I haven't been offered the job yet, but if I am, then I'll decide what and if I want to commit so much time to something outside the home.
- This weekend we are heading to the lower part of the state to visit my brother and sister-in-law (and Hannah). I've been going back and forth about whether or not I want to go as I am afraid to go to far from home right now (just in case something happens over there), but I think I've decided it will be a good get away.
- Next week the girls will attend their 3rd VBS of the summer. Luckily they've all been different themes.
- The girls will be attending a new school this year. I've got to get them registered!
- I am losing weight. I cut out carbonation all together and have cut way back on caffeine. Also, because my parents are dieting, there is NO junk food in the hosue, allowing me to cut it out too!!! I'm off to a good start to making my 50 lb goal by next year!
- I've also decided to put Reese in a 1/2 day program a couple days a week for my sanity and his social skills. I think I've found a great place and hope to get that going real soon!

See, I told you I had other things going on! I know the last few posts have seemes as though I'm curled up in the bed and not showered for a week, but I'm trying to keep busy! I do miss my love, but I also realize that he wouldn't want me sulking. Thanks for the prayers! I definitely feel them and please keep em coming. Cory moves downrange in the next couple of days! Pray the travel goes safely and the transition is smooth!!!

Speechless

I've discovered over the last few days that usually when I tell someone that my husband is deployed, they immediately become speechless. I think its hard to come up with the words to say to make someone feel better whose husband is in such a scary place. There are no words. Nothing makes it better or makes the pain go away. Its been a week now and I still lose my breath sometimes when I talk about it. I still cry at the sound of a special song or seeing something that reminds me of Cory. But I am surviving. Sleep is still hard to come by; between anticipating Cory's phone calls, feeling anxious and being kicked in the ribs by Reese, I'm lucky to get in a couple of hours each night. I've got a headache that just won't quit. I know its from a combination of stress, crying, lack of sleep and lack of caffiene (I've cut WAY back - no carbonation, and only one-if any tea a day). Its funny to me how much I rely on Cory, I've always been VERY independent.
All the Blue Spaders (thats our symbol) are either in Afghanistan or almost there. I've been able to talk to Cory at least once a day still; what a blessing!!! He sounds really good. He's a bit anxious as the next day or so he will be heading to his FOB (forward operating base). I've learned this week that not watching the news does nothing because everyone tells you about the news anyway. With or without the news, I worry about Cory all day, everyday. So I might as well be informed, right?
The kids are great. The girls have spoken to Cory and they are busy with their camp and swimming lessons. Reese is busy drooling and trying to talk. Still no teeth, but hopefully soon. It makes me sad that Cory is missing everything in their lives.
I'm sorry this is so random, I'm trying to find the words to express what's going through my head right now, but for the first time in a very long time, I'm speechless.

Voice from the unknown

Thank God I have been able to speak to Cory at least once a day since he's been gone. Sometimes he calls twice. He's still traveling. They're in some country outside of A-stan waiting to catch a flight in country. He sounds really good and is just tired!!! Jet lag really kicked in today. I think they are 10 hours ahead of us! The flights were ok except for the decents. The rest of the guys seem to be in good spirits and are just ready to get it over with!
I am hanging in there. Each time he calls I hang onto his every word and tell him I love him about a million times!!! He just laughs at me because there is a delay on the phones so I'm asking a million questions so as to not waste any time!! But even from the other side of the world, he knows what to say to make things all better! I love that man!!!
So that's all I have for now. Keep us in your prayers as the next few days will be the most dangerous making it into A-stan and getting settled in their FOB! Thank you for your uplifting words and prayers thus far!! I'm definitely feeling them!!!

Not any easier

Its official. Cory has left the US, deployment has begun. Cory left the Hood around 12 am this morning. He called when they stopped in Maine to refuel. He sounded ok. Just tired. Cory hates flying because since he was a young boy, he's had ear problems. Any slight alteration in air pressure and he is in excruciating pain. So the ascent and descent are always a nightmare. He's learned a few tricks to help, but nothing makes it completely better. He said the descent into Maine was horrible. But thanks to the wonders of Ativan, he slept through rest of the flight. He sayed he'd call me before they took off again, but I guess he didn't have the chance. Surely they are gone by now. I'm certain he's over the Atlantic as we speak, snoozing away. They have a brief layover in Ireland and then its off to the real deal. Please pray for Cory as he flys that God will give him comfort and keep him safe.
Day 3 is not any easier. I still wake up wanting to throw up and sleep is scarce. I'm sure I look like a zombie with my puffy eyes, red nose and glazed over eyes. I've been told that it gets easier as the days goes by, but when. I still cry everytime I hear his voice! I could never have imagined this would be so hard. Please keep praying for me!
The kids are doing well. They talked to Daddy last night. Hailey cried when she talked to him, which was suprising. She's usually the one who keeps her emotions hidden. Of course Cory broke down after hearing her sob! But I'm still conviced that it was better to do it over the phone than in person! I don't think any of us could have handled it! Samantha has taken on the responsibility to make sure Reese knows who Daddy is. She talks to him about Cory all the time!! Its so sweet. Reese is of course oblivious. But anytime you say "Daddy", his eyes get huge and he looks around. Last night I let Cory talk to him on the phone and as soon as Reese heard his voice he looked for him and then just smiled and babbled back! Of course, I cried. He loves his Daddy. They all do. I'll never be able to fill his shoes!
I'll be sure to post when I hear that he's in country. Please pray for him and the other soldiers. Everyone's taking it pretty hard, but I think they've all just about reached the point that they are just ready to go and get it over with! If you'd like to write or send a care package to Cory, please let me know. I can give you his address and regulations on what's permitted. He would love to hear from as many people as would write!!! Have a great weekend!

Never Goodbye

Yesterday was definitely the hardest day of my life, to date. Leaving Cory standing in the airport absolutely ripped my heart out. I will spare the details as they are too painful for me to relive and now my focus must be surviving the upcoming year. I still get teary eyed just thinking of him; so if you see me, please overlook my puffy eyes and lack of make up!! Today is Thursday - Day 2. And I'm gonna dedicate my Thursday 13 to my hero, my soldier, my husband!!! I am really going to try and focus on the positive this year, and not be consumed with all the "what if's?". So my Thursday 13 is a list of things I hope to get done while Cory is serving his country. He will be busy fighting for our freedom, so I hope to keep busy improving our lives!!! As I am counting down the days for his return, so will I countdown my list!
13. Lose weight. Cory will be spending a good bit of time working out in his downtime and I have resolved to not let him come back to an overweight slob.
12. Cut out the carbonation. Cory will not be able to have carbonated beverages where he is, so I have vowed to give them up as well. I'm hoping this will help some with #13. So if you see me out, keep me accountable.
11.Decorate our new house. Cory has given me free reign over the house (except for our room, he wants to help with that).
10. Join a good support group; maybe a good prayer group or just a group of ladies who will meet with me to pray with and for me.
9. Keep the kids busy. Not only will this pass the time quickly, but it will be a good distraction.
8. Trade in our car. I need something a little more gas efficient and a lower payment.
7. Expand my cooking abilities. I want Cory to come home to a more eclectic menu than just Hot Dogs and Spaghetti!!!
6. Find a really good bible study. I haven't done one in a long while, and I want to really find something that fulfills my needs!
5. Write tons and tons of letters. I have sat down and wrote numerous letters since middle school, so I've got to get out the old pen and paper and get to it. I can't decide if I want to keep a journal of my life over the next year or share daily with Cory in letters.
4. Make tons of care packages. You can get free boxes (flat rate) and all the paper work you need to send stuff internationally at usps.com. So I have 4 LARGE boxes sitting in the floor full of supplies. If you want to get a box together for Cory, please let me know. I have everything you need and I would love to help you show my soldier some love!!!
3. I am going to be obsessed with my cell phone for the next year. It is my closest link to my love and I plan on being available any time he's able to call.
2. PRAY. He is in God's hands. And God is the only one who can truly give me peace.
1. LOVE MY MAN!!!!! There's a hole in my heart, but I am still full of love for the man I married. There's no one else I would rather be with and I will patiently await his return (maybe not so patiently sometimes).

I have a list already of things I'd like to accomplish over the next year, hopefully as the pain of him leaving begins to subside I will find the motivation to get started. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!!

TO MY HUSBAND: (if he ever reads this)
I love you more today than yesterday and will love you more tomorrow. I am so proud of you and I know God will keep you safe. I can't wait til the day I can hold you in my arms once again and never let go! Focus on your mission, I've got things under control here. Remember our Psalm and Ruth 1:16 & 17. To the end of numbers and NEVER GOODBYE, just see ya later!!! Love, ME

Tuesday's Turmoil

I'm sitting here on a mattress that our neighbors were so kind to lend us until we clear housing - air mattresses are SO uncomfortable! They also loaned us a TV - days would be so boring for me without the TV (especially now that my stuff is gone). The car is on its way to SC and our stuff is on its way to storage (until we close on the house). Everything went really smooth yesterday - it only took the movers about 3 1/2 hours to load all our stuff up! Thankfully the guy that's transporting our vehicle didn't care that it was loaded down with stuff - since we won't get our household goods til the end of the month, I had to put things we needed in the Kia!!
So what's the turmoil? (you may ask) Well, yesterday while I was in the midst of chaos getting the movers moving in the right direction, Cory called and gave me some bad news... In true Army form, whoever was in charge of the flight manifests messed up. Instead of everyone leaving Thurs and Fri of this week, theres only a few (and mean a small few) that are actually getting on the Bird this week. As for the rest of them, who knows when they will leave. Apparently they are scrambling to get everything situated. Guess what?!?! Cory's one of the ones that will have to wait! That's right, all the planning I did to ensure that we left about the same time and had everything done went to waste! Now I will be flying out tomm and Cory will have to wait. I am so frustrated with the Army. You would think that an organization that has been around as long as they have (233 years to be exact) would be more organized. Here it is 2 days until deployment and there are still MANY uncertainties. On the up side, Cory is not alone! One of our closest friends (we'll call him DOC) is stuck here too. Our housing village has agreed to delay our inspection until Friday, allowing Cory and Doc a few more days to rest in the comfort of our home (even if it is on the floor on mattresses). And then they will make their way to the home of some other dear friends until their departure!! Such is my life - no predictability!! I am sad that Cory will be here without me but he is still adamant that I keep my flight reservations. With any luck, the "powers that be" will get things straight and they will be "in country" (in A'stan) within the week. I think they are all just ready to go and get started so that it will be over!
I'm headed home tomm! And I'll try to start to establish some sense of normalcy for our kids. Please continue to pray (that goes without saying) but can I add something to my list? Rumor has it (and rumors in the Army spring up and travel faster than at any high school) there have been anywhere from 6-8 KIA's (killed in action) in the troops that have most recently left from Cory's Brigade! No official confirmation as they are trying to notify NOK (next of kin), but we've had some confirmation from some pretty reliable sources. Please pray for those families - I don't even want imagine the heartache they are experiencing!!!

Nasty Fritos

Today the movers are supposed to pick up our stuff. THANK GOD! I hate living in chaos and our house is a wreck! I can't believe that the deployment begins in only 3 days. I've done really well up until today holding strong and not crying in front of Cory, but today we both sobbed in the Kitchen over ham sandwiches and Fritos! After having a good cry, Cory broke the sadness with "These Fritos are nasty". It was funny and the perfect mood boost. I'm gonna miss these times the most while he's gone! Boy, do I love this man!!!! We'll be roughing it for the next 2 nights on air matresses. But the up side - I'll be in SC in just a few days!! Pray for us! Its gonna be a rough couple of days!

Many thanks

Let me first say "Thank You" to all of you who have left me your words of encouragement on my last post. But more importantly, THANK YOU for your prayers - I have definitely felt them over the last few days. I am still a bit anxious most of the time, but no where near the degree I was before. I am trying to let go of all things negative (although I am constantly confronted with it). I am taking your advice and trying different ways to eliminate the anxiety - and for the most part it seems to be working (at least to minimize it). So, Thank You, again! And please continue to keep me in your prayers as tomm. starts probably one of the toughest weeks of my life!!!
On that note, this will probably be my last blog from Texas. I am flying out of the Lonestar state on Wed. Cory is set to leave Thurs. I really wanted to change my flight so that I could see him off, but he feels that it would be better for him if he got to drop me off at the airport and then have a good day to cry and get himself together. I can't blame him, but selfishly I've had to fight the temptation to change my flight anyway!!! We're busy packing and painting. The movers come Monday - which is not helping my anxiety at all! So, while I'll be checking my blog regularly and reading yours, I may not be blogging too much for a week or so!!! Please keep us in your thoughts as we say our good byes and travel to opposite ends of the earth!! I hope you all had a wonderful 4th!

Hello, God! Its Me & its 3 am!!

For the last 4 nights, I have been pulled from a deep slumber (yeah right, more like a cat nap) and overwhelmed with anxiety. Each night Reese wakes me up with his normal need for a nightcap, but while I'm rocking him, I begin to feel extremely anxious. I've got a lot of stress on me with Cory leaving next week and buying our house and moving as well as trying to figure out where God is wanting me to be when I get back to SC (not as far as living, but more along the lines of what he wants me to be doing). Stress is not something I am a stranger to. As a matter of fact, I usually do my best work under stress. But this is crippling. I am frozen with fear that I am going to make the wrong decisions. I am having second thoughts about everything from buying our house to the career path that I have chosen. I am constantly flooded with thoughts of how will I protect our family while Cory is away - he has given me such security. What if something happens in the house, what if someone breaks in, what if one of the kids get hurt and I freeze and don't know what to do, what if something happens to Cory - WHAT IF?!?!? I think those have got to be the most frightening 2 words in the English language. I am finding myself doubting every decision I've made and have to make in the near future. I know that God is trying to talk to me and I am trying earnestly to open my heart and ears to listen. But I'm hearing nothing. Has this happened to you? I know that God wants to share with me, but I feel like I'm deaf or too stupid to understand. I am praying for peace and direction (as well as for safety for Cory and understanding for our kids), that's all I know to do. Will you pray with me and for me? I know there are some awesome prayer warriors out there. Just as you are going over your prayer lists, could you remember to throw me and my family in there? And if you ever find yourself up at 3 am (4am for you East coasters), think of me!